Gay Pride Adventures!

Ladies and gentlemen, I went on an amazing adventure on Saturday!  This weekend was the gay pride festival in the twin cities. I had plans to go to the pride festival with my best friend, but her car broke down. I didn't have any other way to get to the cities so I was really upset, but after moping for half the day I realized I could take a bus! So, I grabbed my purse & rushed out to catch a shuttle to the Minneapolis airport. While I was waiting for my shuttle to arrive, I contemplated telling my parents where I was going (I didn't have permission to go or anything. I just decided to go. This is a big deal for me because I am compulsively obedient & I have never done anything rebellious in my life). I was very anxious & stressed out that my mother might be furious. I tried calling to tell them that I was going so they would know where I was should anything go wrong. Their line was busy though... I read the entire bus schedule twice to calm myself down and boarded the shuttle.

When I arrived at the airport my dear friend Andrea picked me up and took me to Loring Park where the festivities were taking place. I encountered several friends & acquaintances in the six hours I spent there, but for the most part I was on my own. I got rainbow temporary tattoos, rainbow bracelets, and all kinds of stickers & buttons. There were food stands all over the place peddling greasy fair food...regrettably I reveled in the fact that there was no one around to make me eat. And so I did not. There were so many beautiful gay people!! I felt right at home. There were, of course, the Vote No volunteers & the Human Rights Campaigners. There was a strip of tents for various O&A churches, where I got a rainbow peace sign necklace. There was an area full of dogs, dog treats, and rainbow dog collars. My favorite part was a tent in which a dog layingwas laying next to his owners with a sign that said "Free Puppy Kisses!" I got a free puppy kiss. :)

When the time came for me to go back to the airport & take the shuttle home, my friend Andrea walked me downtown. I took the 55 bus to the Franklin Ave lightrail station, which then took me to the airport. The airport is where things got interesting... I got there at 7:50, and my shuttle was scheduled to leave at 8:15. I ran all over the airport getting more & more lost. By 8:12 I was nearly in tears, but I figured out that I had to take a tram to the opposite end of the airport to get to where the shuttle was. Once I was in the shuttle I was soooo relieved. It would not be good to get stranded there since I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place!

I was so tired when I got back to Rochester. Maybe I'll even tell my parents about it ;)

Nostalgia Bites

She was my best friend for seven years.  She controlled me, said awful things to me, beat me up occasionally, made me do thinks I hated myself for afterwards, told my other friends not to talk to me, and made me feel stupid and unworthy of anyone’s friendship.  And that was just elementary and high school!

When we got older you started hanging out with boys who called me fat when I was around.  You told me the homemade clothes I designed were ugly and made me look poor.  You never missed an opportunity to tell me I’m a whore.  You let your dog bite me without disciplining him and told me to suck it up and get used to it. 

When I stopped eating, you encouraged me.  You took me out for long bike rides and runs and yelled at me, “Keep up!  Do you want to lose weight or not?”  When I cut myself, you told me I was doing it wrong and showed me how to properly kill myself. 

Sometimes you were nice to me and I felt like our friendship was genuine.  In retrospect, however, it was never enough to make up for how poorly you treated me.  I haven’t spoken to you in two years nor have you spoken to me.

We just “drifted apart,” as you say, but I also know that you think homosexuality is sick and wrong.  “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve,” you told me when I came out to you. 

When I look at you I realize I don’t even know you anymore.  I was always your loyal friend because you made me think no one else would ever be my friend.  You caused me so much anger and hurt.  So why the hell do I miss you so much sometimes?

I was really stupid to hang out with you for as long as I did.  What a waste of seven years.  Now you’re bleach-blonde, thinner than I am, you have a mustang and a steady boyfriend.  I’m not envious of you though.  I’m just pissed that my friend stopped using me as a muse for her artistic photography and switched to you.  In pictures of me I was art.  In pictures of you, your eyes are dead and you look like a posed doll.  Now I get to call you a whore, even though I’ll never say it out loud. 

F*ed up Tests and Favorite Teachers

So, about that essay I was supposed to write yesterday... turns out it was an essay test.  When I found this out right after class ended, I was horrified.  I ran home immediately after school and had it written within an hour and a half.  I've never skipped a test before.  I couldn't believe what I'd done when heard the other kids talking about this being the third TEST in AP Lit and Comp this week. 

We're going to start reading Shakespeare next; Hamlet in specific, I think.  I will diligently take notes and read everything I'm supposed to this time! 

For Snow Week (similar to homecoming week, only based around Valentine's Day) we have dress up days all week.  So far we've had Pajama day, Crazy Socks day, College Jersey day, and today is Dress Like Your Favorite Teacher today.  This is the only day I've dressed up for all week.  A teacher of mine and I are wearing all-matching jeans, black shoes, blue shirts, and black cardigans.  We have the same short haircut too, but my hair is purple.  She is much thinner than I am too. I wish I were as thin as her.  I'm just built a little bigger than her.  My bones are turned out wider or something.  She has a narrow, European face; tiny, willowy limbs; and a super skinny torso.  Her hands are long, thin, and graceful.  When I hug her I can feel her bones through her shirt.  She used to be anorexic in college.  I know she's not really anymore, but it still makes me nervous being able to feel her bones all over.  She seems so fragile. 
 

I adore her, though.  She's beautiful, really smart, cultured, and has a really fun personality.  She reminds me of my sister a little bit.  We're very close.  I've learned a lot from her... We email back and forth all day most days, and if I don't email her over the weekend she usually comments on it and asks me what I did over the weekend. 
 

 

Tonight I'm going to gay group.  I'm so excited! I haven't been there in ages.  I always have play practice on Thursday nights, so I'm not able to go, but I have a break between the One Act play and the spring play to go two or three times. 
 

I miss my friends, I want a hug from my ex-girlfriend... Life has been rough lately.  I'm having issues with my friends at school.  I know, I know, everyone goes through that.  Here's the thing though: friends for me are few and far between.  So when two of them exclude me and start keeping secrets from me, serious damage is done.  I cry a lot.  It's really quite pathetic, but its true.  I'm miserable without them.  My heart is breaking and I feel as though my very soul is bleeding.  It hurts.  It hurts the most because they won't tell me why they're treating me this way.  They're making very vague excuses and I know something's up.  I hate it.  :( I need a hug.