My mental health is taking a turn for the worst. I went to church yesterday, and normally I am elated to be there. I love going to church; it's my favorite place to be. I wasn't as excited as usual, though. Just relieved. I felt tired. During service I cried. Kayla put her arm around me and I cried harder. What is it about affection & touch that makes my heart and spine feel electrocuted? When people show concern or care for me I feel like I'm having a little 2-second heart attack.
I saw my girlfriend last night. She came with me to youth group and we went out to eat. I was struggling to eat, which I know was hard for her to witness. She thinks I purged, too, but I didn't. I want her to believe me and trust me when I tell her I'm trying my hardest to get better for her. If it weren't for her I wouldn't be putting nearly so much effort into recovery. It's exhausting. 
I got to go see the Hunger Games yesterday. It was really good! There were a lot of details that didn't match up with the book, but other than that it was a fabulous movie. It was terrifying yet moving to see all those kids simultaneously killing each other and banding together to protect each other. My favorite scene was when Katniss laid Rue to rest with a bouquet of Queen Anne's Lace in her hands and blue & purple Lupins framing her face. Katniss's compassion for the little girl and her three-finger salute to District 11brought me to tears. I wish Rue could have made it out alive with Peeta and Katniss. :( 
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