So here's what's up:

 My meds just stopped working out of the blue. I had the two most fantastic weeks I've had in years, and I thought I was, like, cured. But on Sunday morning I woke up and I knew it was over. I was at church camp and my pastor and I sat in a coat rack while I cried and cried and cried. I probably scared the shit out of her because I scratched through the skin on the back of my left hand and couldn't explain why I was so upset because I was crying so hard.  Also, I just didn't know why I was so upset.  I didn't know what was wrong at first.

I tried to go to school yesterday, but I just sat in front of a computer and cried for two hours ,so the counselor let me go home. I told my parents I needed to go to the ER. I didn't want to hurt myself or kill myself but I needed serious help and I didn't know what else to do. They determined that my outpatient treatment is failing, so I have to start from scratch again. New meds, new doctors, new routine. It fucking sucks.