For Corey

This evening I will be attending the memorial service of a boy who was my age.  He was bullied for being gay, adn it drove him to end his own life.  I only met him once and now he's dead and I'll never get to know him better.  To all of you who bully other people because they are different or because you want to feel better about yourself, STOP IT.  There were two teen suicides in the past couple weeks, and that is far too many.  Corey died when he jumped off a bridge.  I jumped off a bridge once.  I didn't die, I wasn't even hurt. Kind of a miracle, huh? I wish there could have been a miracle for Corey.  Corey was a great kid.  The world wants him back.

So here's what's up:

 My meds just stopped working out of the blue. I had the two most fantastic weeks I've had in years, and I thought I was, like, cured. But on Sunday morning I woke up and I knew it was over. I was at church camp and my pastor and I sat in a coat rack while I cried and cried and cried. I probably scared the shit out of her because I scratched through the skin on the back of my left hand and couldn't explain why I was so upset because I was crying so hard.  Also, I just didn't know why I was so upset.  I didn't know what was wrong at first.

I tried to go to school yesterday, but I just sat in front of a computer and cried for two hours ,so the counselor let me go home. I told my parents I needed to go to the ER. I didn't want to hurt myself or kill myself but I needed serious help and I didn't know what else to do. They determined that my outpatient treatment is failing, so I have to start from scratch again. New meds, new doctors, new routine. It fucking sucks.