... that is, if I even have any readers. I know that somewhere, someone must be reading this because it says so in my stats. There has been a lot going on. I've been a very busy girl and I'm getting busier every minute! For starters, I'm in the third week of a new semester at school. I'm taking classes in anthropology, fine art, civics, A.P. literature and composition, choir, and concert band. Two of my classes are online and I like that a lot. It's easy to get ahead in an online class since you can log on and work whenever you want. I like to get ahead so that I can spend the time I have in the library for online classes studying, doing homework, reading, doing research, and of course satisfying my addiction to Tumblr.
The first few weeks of my classes haven't been terribly heavy in homework but today it seems like I'm swamped! So, why am I blogging instead of hitting the books? That, my friends, is a very good question. I need a creative outlet, I guess. I've been dealing with a lot of stress. I know, I know. Procrastination isn't going to help with that. I do have good reason for spending so much time online though! Well, sort of. When I'm online blogging and browsing Tumblr, I get all kinds of cool ideas for projects. I also go online to look for apartments, apply for college, apply for scholarships, email my friends for moral support; blogging is a way for me to get all those racing thoughts and ideas out of my head.
So now I'll stop making excuses for why I'm not doing my homework and just write. That is, after all, what I came for.
I recently found out that a friend of mine was raped in October. It's a tricky situation because she was passed out drunk when it happened. I believe her, but if she wants to press charges she may have a hard time proving her credibility. As of yet, she is in limbo about pressing charges. She has friends in common with her attacker and doesn't want them to be angry at her or judge her. She already has people calling her a slut behind her back. It doesn't do her any good that she flirts like one, but I don't think she does it intentionally. She's just a very friendly girl and she doesn't know any better. Maybe she needs help making boundaries.
I'm worried about approaching her about the subject of her rape, because its a very sensitive topic. I want her to be able to come to me to talk about it if she needs to, but I also have questions. I want her to press charges, but I can't push her to do so. I want to ask questions about how it happened, how she knows she was raped, but I don't want to upset her if she's trying to keep her mind off of it.
My friends seems very calm and "over it" so to speak. She's told me that she was upset immediately afterwards and for several weeks after that. I suppose she's had more time to process the situation and cool off than I have, since I just found out about the whole thing recently.
I think it's really important to press charges for rape to keep the perpetrator from repeating his or her crime. Even if they get off with little or no consequences, spending some uncomfortable time in court or facing the victim's friends or family would warn them that they shouldn't risk hurting someone else and that what they did is very serious. Rape is very common, and unfortunately very rarely reported.
There is also a rape victim in the play I'm currently a part of. It's a one-act play called "Asylum." It's a series of monologues given by each of the characters telling their stories about how they came to be in the asylum. My character is an agoraphobic woman who would not leave her apartment or make any phone calls - even when her roommate died. There is also a girl who was kidnapped, a boy who cuts himself, a woman who believes she is in her 11th month of pregnancy caused by dirty M&M's, a man who is obsessed with desserts and hears voices, and a teen who killed three of her friends in a car accident. It's a really amazing show.
When we first started, everyone clicked perfectly with the character they were assigned to. We all love the play and have put tons of time and hard work into it. Unfortunately our performance peaked at a rehearsal rather than at a show. Our last show is this weekend, and even though it's been fun, I'll be glad when its over. It's very emotionally exhausting to do a show like this.
I'm excited to finally go to college and study theater. I want to be a fashion designer and an actress. Here is my ideal future life: Go to community college for two years to finish my generals; go to the state university and double major in fashion design and theater; graduate; start acting shows at the Guthrie theater and other prestigious theaters; meet a beautiful woman, marry her, and open up a little boutique in the city to sell my fashion designs; continue acting, singing, dancing; adopt two or three children with my wife, and a dog; name the dog Sweet Dreams; live happily ever after... :)
But first of all I have to recover, go to college, find an apartment and a job... etc.
I haven't been well, either. I've been struggling with my depression more than ever and my therapist put me on Prozac. I'm now taking Cymbalta and Prozac. I've taken Prozac before, but it kept me from sleeping. If I have insomnia issues again, I'll be allowed to take tTazedone for sleeping this time.
I'm nervous. I just want to feel better, you know? I'm sick of the monotonous cycle of depression, self-hatred, anorexia, bulimia, self-injury, and thoughts of suicide. I know that things will be exponentially better after I graduate just because I'll be getting away from my classmates who have outcast me, bullied me, and taunted me for thirteen years. I wonder how they'll react when I bring a girl dressed in a tux to prom. Probably call us faggots or dykes, ask to have us removed, stuff like that. I'm hopeful, though, that they'll be mature and just leave us alone no matter what their values are.
Well, that's all for now folks... I will write more later.
Peace
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