To be, or not to be thin...

That, my friends, is the question. 

I feel that I've been eating too much.  I think I overeat and tell myself it is okay because I am recovering from anorexia and bulimia.  Realistically, it is never okay to overeat!  Yes, it is alright if I allow myself to eat and be well, but I have to have limits just like everyone else.  I can limit what I'm eating and still love myself.  I won't be unhealthy. 

So I've decided to cut back.  Not too much, I will just pay more attention to portion size and I will eat only when I'm hungry.  I don't have to be ritualistic about it like I once was, and I don't plan on counting calories or anything.  I want to eat a little bit less is all.  I am going to start exercising more, too.  I'm too soft.  I'm going to walk more and I am going to start lifting weights so that I can get strong arms and a strong back.  I wouldn't mind hard-core abs, either. 

I'm terrified of becoming unhealthy and becoming an overweight, depressed, middle-aged failure and I'm on the road to becoming just that the way I eat!  I've been eating junk food too much.  This morning I had two left-over pancakes smothered in butter and syrup for breakfast.  I was considering having a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, too, but I talked myself out of it. 

I'm not one to let food go to waste, so I will finish the box of cinnamon toast crunch; I'll spread it out in small servings.  After that I'll start eating healthier things like muesli and whole-grain toast for breakfast (not together obviously, I only ever have one thing for breakfast).

I've gained a lot of weight over the past six - seven months.  I swore to myself I would never go over 120, but already I have let myself slip up to 140.  I haven't been eating much at all lately and I weighed myself this morning to find I'm back down to 130.

If, as a result of this diet, I lose weight, it will be a happy side-affect.  If I don't I'm okay with that.  At least I'll be eating healthier and getting more exercise.