I'm having a rough day. I feel empty. Something is lacking. As usual, I have no ideas, no reasons for why I feel this way. When I have a bad day like this and there is no reason for how I feel, it seems like some part of me that I'm unaware of is in control.
I have no words for this. I can't even think straight. It takes a great deal of effort just to put together a coherent sentence.
Showing posts with label binge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label binge. Show all posts
30.3.12
20.2.12
To be, or not to be thin...
That, my friends, is the question.
I feel that I've been eating too much. I think I overeat and tell myself it is okay because I am recovering from anorexia and bulimia. Realistically, it is never okay to overeat! Yes, it is alright if I allow myself to eat and be well, but I have to have limits just like everyone else. I can limit what I'm eating and still love myself. I won't be unhealthy.
So I've decided to cut back. Not too much, I will just pay more attention to portion size and I will eat only when I'm hungry. I don't have to be ritualistic about it like I once was, and I don't plan on counting calories or anything. I want to eat a little bit less is all. I am going to start exercising more, too. I'm too soft. I'm going to walk more and I am going to start lifting weights so that I can get strong arms and a strong back. I wouldn't mind hard-core abs, either.
I'm terrified of becoming unhealthy and becoming an overweight, depressed, middle-aged failure and I'm on the road to becoming just that the way I eat! I've been eating junk food too much. This morning I had two left-over pancakes smothered in butter and syrup for breakfast. I was considering having a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, too, but I talked myself out of it.
I'm not one to let food go to waste, so I will finish the box of cinnamon toast crunch; I'll spread it out in small servings. After that I'll start eating healthier things like muesli and whole-grain toast for breakfast (not together obviously, I only ever have one thing for breakfast).
I've gained a lot of weight over the past six - seven months. I swore to myself I would never go over 120, but already I have let myself slip up to 140. I haven't been eating much at all lately and I weighed myself this morning to find I'm back down to 130.
If, as a result of this diet, I lose weight, it will be a happy side-affect. If I don't I'm okay with that. At least I'll be eating healthier and getting more exercise.
I feel that I've been eating too much. I think I overeat and tell myself it is okay because I am recovering from anorexia and bulimia. Realistically, it is never okay to overeat! Yes, it is alright if I allow myself to eat and be well, but I have to have limits just like everyone else. I can limit what I'm eating and still love myself. I won't be unhealthy.
So I've decided to cut back. Not too much, I will just pay more attention to portion size and I will eat only when I'm hungry. I don't have to be ritualistic about it like I once was, and I don't plan on counting calories or anything. I want to eat a little bit less is all. I am going to start exercising more, too. I'm too soft. I'm going to walk more and I am going to start lifting weights so that I can get strong arms and a strong back. I wouldn't mind hard-core abs, either.
I'm terrified of becoming unhealthy and becoming an overweight, depressed, middle-aged failure and I'm on the road to becoming just that the way I eat! I've been eating junk food too much. This morning I had two left-over pancakes smothered in butter and syrup for breakfast. I was considering having a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, too, but I talked myself out of it.
I'm not one to let food go to waste, so I will finish the box of cinnamon toast crunch; I'll spread it out in small servings. After that I'll start eating healthier things like muesli and whole-grain toast for breakfast (not together obviously, I only ever have one thing for breakfast).
I've gained a lot of weight over the past six - seven months. I swore to myself I would never go over 120, but already I have let myself slip up to 140. I haven't been eating much at all lately and I weighed myself this morning to find I'm back down to 130.
If, as a result of this diet, I lose weight, it will be a happy side-affect. If I don't I'm okay with that. At least I'll be eating healthier and getting more exercise.
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